Shiny thing

For some of us, there is something in our lives that is our ailment, the thorn in our side, the limp in our walk. The thing that changed our lives forever. A terrible diagnosis of cancer or an incurable disease, a parent walking out on you, chronic pain, infidelity or betrayal, loss of a job, homelessness, addiction, bankruptcy, abuse, loss of a loved whether expected or unexpected. It is the defining moment or experience by which our lives are changed forever moving forward.

For us, losing Britton is the limp in our walk, the thorn in our side. The pain we asked for the Lord to take away or the precious gift we asked to miraculously bring back, He didn't. And so we've been left with pain in our hearts that subsides on lots of days now (thank you Jesus) but on the days it doesn't, the ache and pain is intense and feels debilitating at times. As we approached our 3 year anniversary of losing and delivering Britton I had been struck with many unexpected "triggers" as they call them.

Moments where I am instantly put back in the depths of my pain. The depths I don't go too very often because it makes the daily tasks almost impossible and I am overwhelmed once again with what feels like a thousand pound weight on my chest. 

Losing Britton was our defining moment. The moment when the world and everything in it became dull and Jesus shined brighter to us in ways he never had before. We all the sudden were exposed even more to results of deep brokenness due to the sin that entered our world thousands of years ago. I wanted nothing to do with things, stuff, social media, etc. The thought of all of it made me sick. All I wanted was Jesus and those around us who were being the tangible feet of Him. They were the two things that brought rest, peace, comfort, and satisfaction to our souls. And they still do. But as time has gone on, things have become shiny again. Over the last three years we started getting a bit of our stride back, still relying on Jesus but feeling the results of his restoring taking place. And it feels nice. It feels good to be out of the so called "valley" at the moment. But then, an unexpected day comes. For me, it's the triggers that send me in a tailspin sometimes. For you, it may be your chronic pain which seemed to be getting better is back in full force, or the relationship you have been working so hard on takes two steps back, or you are hit with yet another unexpected financial cost, or the numbers for the cancer treatment grew instead of diminished this time. And we are brought back to a place where Jesus is shiny once again. Where our circumstances, when going good maybe brought some unnoticed distractions, and now they are stripped away revealing Jesus. Reminding us he has always been there, but maybe we just didn't see him at times. As hard as those days can be in the moment, we are reminded that Jesus' shininess never grows dull, and the hope he offers far surpasses any hope the world thinks it can offer us.

"Remember your promise to me; it is my only hope. Your promise revives me; it comforts me in all my troubles." Psalms 119:49-50

We need not to put our hope in the healing but the one who promises to heal.

We need not to put our hope in the circumstances changing but in the one who promises to never change.

We need not to put our hope in the things of our world but the one who has overcome the world.