Life after loss: learning to live on the daily bread of Jesus

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Showing posts from May, 2018

Why a blog?

I grew up in a Christian home, married the man I went to prom with, we both had jobs, bought a house and after five years of marriage decided we were ready to start a family. We were blessed with our firstborn son Jayden in 2011. Two years later we were pregnant with our second and found out it was a girl. Britton Ione Ishmael. We had her name picked out from the time we were pregnant with Jayden. Life was good, our house was being remodeled to add space as we eagerly anticipated the arrival of our sweet daughter. Then May 6th, 2014 hit. At 38 weeks pregnant Britton no longer had a heartbeat. Our world shattered, crumbled, stopped dead in its tracks. I delivered her May 7th. Her perfect body born into this world. We spent 12 hours studying every feature of hers and taking as many pictures possible knowing we would have to hand her over and never see her on this earth again. All of the sudden our Christian faith we grew up in was put into action like never before. Were we gonna go through the fire coming out more pure and refined? Or were we gonna get consumed, engulfed by the flames of grief? Through the grace of Jesus, almost three years down the road, we are still standing and have been refined in ways I never thought possible. We are living proof that Jesus is still Jesus. He moves through tragedy, is steadfast, picks us up when we fall down, goes back into the fire with us and brings us out again. He never leaves, never fails, sustains, protects, provides shelter, strength, rest, peace, comfort and on and on and on. Since Britton, we miscarried our next baby, it took months after that pregnancy before getting pregnant again and was blessed with another beautiful boy, London Jones, and now recently we just miscarried our 5th.

I started writing after we had Britton. I am not a writer. So I know, when I feel prompted to, it is from the one above. The one who called me on the drive home from the hospital to be vulnerable and transparent. Physically writing down the thoughts constantly bouncing around in my head was and is proof Jesus works in and through our pains, hurts, and heartache. I started reading Psalms and saw a pattern in David's writing. He lamented and then he praised. And so the template for my writing was created. I lament and I praise as I live in the tension of joy and sorrow.

It is my hope and prayer that these post would point you toward Jesus and what he can do for you, even when we are in the trenches so deep it feels like we are alone and he is not there. Keep on persevering. Putting one foot in front of the other, even if our progress forward is only centimeters, knowing no matter what we do or where we are, Jesus never leaves our side. He is the one sustaining our relationship with him, not us. And that my friend is good news. It provides freedom and rest. Come to Jesus and let him give you the rest your soul deserves.

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Life after loss: learning to live on the daily bread of Jesus

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