Why it’s not “the most wonderful time of year” for some

Why it’s not “the most wonderful time of the year” for some....

This will be our 4th year entering the Christmas season without Britton here. And to be honest it is not my most favorite. My anxiety gets heightened by the hustle and bustle, everywhere I turn there are mothers taking their daughters to the ballet (I could drag Jayden but don’t think he would appreciate girls in tutus, although he’s getting to an age where he might, haha) adorable little girl dresses, family photos, traditions that involve the whole family.

Until we lost Britton I loved the season but over the years I have realized our loss of her only gets magnified. And, unfortunately, it wasn’t until our loss did I realize how painful this season must be for others in our lives. And my heart has been opened to others’ pain in a new way. With this season I enter in to a deeper compassion, empathy, and understanding for those around me who are hurting. And what a gift that is from Britton. To be able to meet people, share in the grief but also share more joyfully our hope. 

This year has been a bit different for me. We have had a lot of changes in our family over the last year and one of those changes is the expectant blessing of another baby boy, Asher Leroy. It still leaves the hole of not having a daughter (Britton is pretty adamant about being the princess in the family) but I am finding this season that Jesus is using his birth and her life combined to renew a sense of joy for the season and the gift that comes through my grief during Christmas time. 

A gift? Really?

A gift that comes from our loss being magnified?

Answer: The hope we have gets magnified all the more. 

Though the Christmas season brings up our pain, deepens our wounds, opens our scars; it also provides our Savior the opportunity to come in and reveal himself to us once again in ways no other person can. So intimate, so deep, so satisfying. We get to experience the Christmas season on a truly intimate level with Jesus because our eyes are driven off of the hustle & bustle and onto him. Providing a true joy that does not come from traditions or opening up presents but from being seen, known and cared for by the God of the universe. You are not alone in your pain this season. He feels every heartache you feel, sees every tear you shed. Through his tender words and touch, he gently wipes the tears from my face and yours reminding us that this is the reason why he came in the form of a tiny babe to save the broken world we were born into. That is the real reason why it is the most wonderful time of the year.  Not all the magic of lights, candy canes, snow and presents. But because it all started in a manger, went to the cross, and ended back in life again. He brings light into our darkness this Christmas season and what a wonderful gift it is to have him bring our focus back onto him, our one true sure thing, through our grief. Praying you too would see the gift of Jesus in your grief this season. 

10 “Yes, the Sovereign Lord is coming in power.
    He will rule with a powerful arm.
    See, he brings his reward with him as he comes.
11 He will feed his flock like a shepherd.
    He will carry the lambs in his arms,
holding them close to his heart.
    He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.”

Isaiah 40:10-11