Celebrating a heavenly birthday

3 years ago, May 6th is what I like to call our "D" day. It's our defining day. The day where our world shattered into tiny little pieces. Were we gonna get consumed by the fire or come out more purified than gold. Were we gonna get overtaken by the crashing waves or rescued by the one who promises to rescue. It was the day where we had to make the choice to either lean in, and lean in hard no matter what or how we felt, or fall away, away from the shelter promised to us? 

We chose to lean in and lean in hard. It has not been easy and there have been so many doubts, questions, fears, and honestly times where I don't want to trust God because I feel so hurt by him BUT He has been so faithful and ever present through my processing. His provision has been undeniable. My love for Him has deepened through my doubts and questioning. I have gained a better understanding of who He is as a Father. And we are evidence of His power, grace, and promises. Promises to redeem and restore. Promises to provide hope, peace, and comfort. Promises to not let our suffering go void of any fruit for Him. 

As we entered May this year I was overtaken by the thoughts of how 3 years ago this was my last week with Britton. The last days where I would be able to feel her spastic movement in my tummy (she moved ALL the time), the last times I would get to talk to her and have her hear my voice, the last times our heartbeats would be so intimately close and intertwined. I thought of how much joy, preparation, and anticipation I had coming into those last weeks as we were getting so close. And I am thankful to God our last days with her were filled with all those things because those are good memories to rest in. 

I have also lived in the tension this week of how May 6th was the worst day of our lives and yet the best day of Britton's life. Jesus revealed to me this week that May 6th is Britton's heavenly birthday. It is the day she eagerly entered the arms of Jesus and put on the beautiful dress of righteousness he had for her. She's beautiful, glowing and flawless in that righteousness. 

So we celebrated her 3rd heavenly birthday yesterday and today we celebrate her earthly birthday. The day where by God's gift I got to deliver her, hold her, and kiss her ruby red lips. 

Britton Ione Jones you are a gift to our family. You have shown us what it is like to have a deep sense of joy and satisfaction in the simple mundane things of life. Jesus uses you to continually mold and shape us, to use us to comfort others, empathize with others, cry with others. You have made me a better mother to your brothers. I can only imagine how you would be right in the middle of the craziness they bring, wrestling with them, trying to keep up with Jayden. The thing that struck me the most yesterday when writing my letter to you was when I signed it. 💗 Mommy. I am your mommy. It was almost as though I could hear your 3 year old little voice whispering it. You are beautiful my precious one, beautifully clothed in the righteousness of Jesus and we cannot wait until the day when we get to experience what you are experiencing. And we cannot wait to hug, squeeze, and give you kisses again. WE LOVE YOU! 

"I am overwhelmed with joy in the Lord my God. For he has dressed Britton with the clothing of salvation, and draped her in a robe of righteousness..." Isaiah 61:10